Truth or Dare

Telling the truth is sometimes the hardest thing that we ever have to ask ourselves to do. Whether we are sharing with another or we are listening to our own self-talk.

Being disillusioned, stuck, lifeless, depressed and even just bored these are valid states of mind we experience. They are real. But they don't need to stick around. If you are going through a bad time just keep on moving, don't camp, don't buy real estate in the place you are ... you will come out the other side if you keep moving.

Take note of your self-talk and keep it in check.

You will realise the reality you imagine. Imagine good things for yourself. Love yourself. You can't expect anyone else to love you unless you love yourself first. I dare you.

Like Father Like Daughter ::: Like Daughter Like Father

Spending some time with my family over school holidays ... the blog bug bites. My Father has started his own prodigal journey in blog form.

Whilst educating my parents in technology is often weary, getting them started with blogging was so simple it was enjoyable for all of us.

A place called home

As much as I love 'angel', this post has more to do the song by Kim Richey ... "a place called home".

Selling out the wind

We settle, we sell out everyday. We marry the guy that provides, even though his love and affection fall short. We take the job that pays well but compromises our values. We sit in a pew and abdicate responsibility for our choices and actions because it is easier to listen to someone else tell us what to do than to think, act and carry the consequences of our own actions.

My relationships have been hard, hurtful and disappointing and when none of the above, out of reach.

Much of the pain is that I am the girl that runs on the wind. A spirit free and wanting everything that there is and more … I used to be wide eyed and full of wonder, these days I am sad and lost and haunted by inaction. Giving up and giving over to ‘normal’ life, I often find myself surrendering to the clipping of my wings and the confines of the gilded cage.

While I believe in the choice of happiness, this society celebrates conformity and for those of us that refuse to fall in line, the price is loss that only your heart and soul can measure. What needs to happen? Face what you can't hide!

Expectations and Outcomes

OK ... so I have had a rough week. I apologise for my bout of melancholy. The pity party is over. Sometimes you just have to open the blinds and let the sun in.

The kick in the behind that got me out of this present phase of blues was this post from Zern, our beliefs and expectations of others - the last paragraph was the stand out for me.

It is true. How we choose to frame our world and the expectations we place on others will effect the quality of life we live. I have a positive expectation of the friends around me and the new people I meet. I honestly believe that we can have positive, authentic meetings, sharing, being, etc. And I do. But when it comes to the people closest to me, those I love, my family ... in truth, my expectation is that they will screw me over or let me down ... that is a mindset that needs changing starting now. Thanks Zern.

Do I have to do it alone?

Am I OK? No, I guess I'm not OK.

Am I angry? Yes, I guess I am ... angry.

Not such a pretty place for a woman to be.

A woman gives her all. She gives you those eyes that tell you that she believes in you, trusts, loves and will keep putting that shoulder to the grind to make it all happen.

A woman will give all 'till the well is dry. At some point she needs something back. Some energy, some love, some hope, some encouragement.

Do I have to do it alone?

Marriage is a Lie!!

I don’t believe in domestic life. I know that it works for some people, but it does not work for me. You are attracted to a person, you fall in love, you make love, you enjoy sharing your lives … then you live together or get married and live together and then all the attraction and passion turns into a daily struggle of going to work, paying bills, saving and trying to amass material wealth. Relationship becomes a routine argument over whose turn it is to clean the toilet or the boredom of the daily “what do you want to do for dinner” phone call.

Many people are unhappy in their relationship not because of what the other person does or does not do, but because they have not achieved their own personal goals that were put on hold or aborted due to the responsibility of relationship. Which does seem odd given that you both individually paid your own way prior to the relationship.

We cannot put our life on layby. We have been given today. The choice is to live or to be a slave to circumstance. Do you think you might enjoy each other more if you had some space to achieve your own dreams, clean up your own mess, socialise with your other friends and enjoy the companionship of your lover who you have both made time to specifically be with and appreciate.

I am not saying don't get married, I am saying you will appreciate and respect each other more if you do not live together.

Breaking up online

Now that I have calmed down from the emotion that fuelled the last post. I was most amused by Melissa Gira's post on Sexerati.com about breaking up and changing your relationship status online. I was most pleased by the notion of letting your no longer significant other know that they were now no more significant than that 'crapunknownband' #5 as demonstrated by the priority on myspace. Relationship status is tricky at the best of times.

My soon to be ex-husband commented on the fact that I was calling my boyfriend, my boyfriend and perhaps that it was a little too strong a term seeing that we don't even live in the same country. While I appreciate his concern ... I don't know anymore. Relationships suck. No one knows what the rules are anymore.

Declaring status online ... pointless unless you care to share the story and the lessons ... I have lived through a few highs and lows with Heather online and have often been appreciative that she bothered to share.

Ok, so I jumped .... now where is my parachute???

So the last post wasn't really in 'english' .... I know. It is some kind of emotional gibberish that fell out of my behind prior to boarding yet another flight, did I tell you I love UNITED airlines! I really can't promise that this post will be any easier to follow. I just got back into Sydney early this morning.



I am in love. There I said it. I can't believe it. Sheryl Crow wrote a song about me - all of them. If there is a hard way to do something you know I am going to find it. I am talking major long-distance-relationship! I have made my jump ... now where the hell is my parachute???

The kind of loving feeling that comes with the well-worn waves of jet lag. Yes I am in love with a man who lives on the other side of the ocean and who has fast-tracked my frequent flyer status and made even a walk down a 'red carpet' seem routine.

We said 'bye' again last night ... hence my blah post. It isn't getting any easier. To leave, to wave, to be brave, to be alone, to hold it all together. The truth may be that we have more chance apart, living the ache, knowing the weight of the love we share, than we may if we were living under the same roof of domestic blah! Domestos really does nothing for the libido!

Why is the measure of love ... loss?

"Articulacy of fingers, the language of the deaf and dumb, signing on the body body longing. Who taught you to write in blood on my back? Who taught you to use your hands as branding irons? You have scored your name into my shoulders, referenced me with your mark. The pads of your fingers have become printing blocks, you tap a message on to my skin, tap meaning into my body. Your Morse code interferes with my heart beat. I had a steady heart before I met you, I relied upon it, it had seen active service and grown strong. Now you alter its pace with your own rhythm, you play upon me, drumming me taut." Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

My heart is so full and I feel I can barely breathe. I miss you already my beautiful boy.

It is hard to write when every word, a knife, cuts through me. I am open to the journey, I have faith in the cause and hope that it all works out. What will be will be.

Why is it the absence that uncovers the weight of love?

"I'm looking for a woman who can make me think, make me laugh and make me come."

In the article The 80 per cent relationship, Sam de Brito discusses whether or not settling for an 80% relationship is cause for the carnage of divorce and in true crispy style uses a quotation to justify his position from none other than Meatloaf and his "two out of three ain't bad" philosophy. A funny take on the hunt for the perfect relationship.

My thoughts on the causes of divorce (I've done it a couple of times now) ... working too hard, making love too little and having nothing else in your life than a mortgage, pursuit of middle-class wealth, three hours of TV a night ... and the "Good Weekend" on Saturday mornings.

If you can't be happy together when you have nothing, what makes you think you will be happy together when you have all you thought you wanted?

I want a man who will be just as happy eating a Vegemite sandwich under a tree as he is fine dining in Paris... I may just have found him.