All Good Things Come To An End

I was driving my daughter home and we were chatting along and singing along to the radio and generally having a good time. Nelly Furtado's "All good things come to an end" came on the radio and my daughter slumped into state of mellancholy complete with seven year old pout. After some coaxing and ten songs later, she said ... "It is just like that song Mum, all good things come to an end."

I found myself saying that yes that is true, because the cycle of life continues and things have to die before new things can begin. I know I was talking to myself more than to my daughter.

This year past year has been hard, but no more than I allowed. Do all good things come to an end? Only if you think you were meant to have something or someone forever. We can never own another heart or person, but are gifted with a shared journey that gives great strength and encouragement while shining a light on those areas of weakness that need to be dealt with. There is not just "one good thing", thank God, but many.

I loved you first ...

My sweetest downfall...



I am not writing much lately. I have been working hard on my next project. Mostly though, I have been a woman without her lover, a mother without her child, and a girl lost somewhere in a new beginning. I am always the strong one, so forgive me a moment while I fall down.

My sweetest downfall ... so beautiful, so true, and as always ... "Samson goes back to bed, with not much hair upon his head, ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed." Can men really jettison the heart so easily??? I often feel like I am trying to throw mine up, but cut it off? No.

Crashing Down

Raven, the tears are sitting right behind your eyes. Why don't you let it go.

Just cry.

I know that it is there, I just can't cry. I don't know what it will take. To finally be in my own space, close the door and breathe long and deep.

What a year. I said goodbye to my husband, my friend. I headed over to the USA and began ... something. It was aborted by circumstances out of my control. Home again. The only thing that made sense. A genuine prodigal return, tail between my legs.

Here now, among friends, the family that love, defend, protect and hold you close while you recover.

My heart can't take too many more beatings. I have quit for a while. All in, all out just isn't working for me.

There is far more grey in this world than we ever care to admit.

Complicated ... well that is normal for me. Oh, there, I can feel the tears ... crashing down.

Selling out the wind

We settle, we sell out everyday. We marry the guy that provides, even though his love and affection fall short. We take the job that pays well but compromises our values. We sit in a pew and abdicate responsibility for our choices and actions because it is easier to listen to someone else tell us what to do than to think, act and carry the consequences of our own actions.

My relationships have been hard, hurtful and disappointing and when none of the above, out of reach.

Much of the pain is that I am the girl that runs on the wind. A spirit free and wanting everything that there is and more … I used to be wide eyed and full of wonder, these days I am sad and lost and haunted by inaction. Giving up and giving over to ‘normal’ life, I often find myself surrendering to the clipping of my wings and the confines of the gilded cage.

While I believe in the choice of happiness, this society celebrates conformity and for those of us that refuse to fall in line, the price is loss that only your heart and soul can measure. What needs to happen? Face what you can't hide!

A bucketful of Babylon

NOS DA CARIAD, David Gray

One lifetime is long enough

Is long enough to wait

The rain like silver in my ears

Fat nothing on my plate

A bucketful of Babylon

A belly full of hate

Go to sleep my one true love

And may your dreams be sweet

Then we?ll be running

See its face beneath the glass

It murmurs on the breeze

Like a long black Cadillac

It passes ?neath the trees

What is it you?re waiting for?

Sweet love is on its knees

Go to sleep my one true love

And find your heart?s release

Then we?ll be running

Afraid of nothing

Yeah we?ll be running

Silence is golden

Here I am

I ain?t afraid of nothing

Silence is golden

Here I am

The sun above the cotton grass

Is sinking down like lead

The seagulls know the truth of it

And scream it overhead

Hold on to St. Christopher

The sky is murderous red

Go to sleep my one true love

Our glory lies ahead

Then we?ll be running

Afraid of nothing

Then we?ll be running

All wired up in a dawning ray

All wired up in a dawning ray

All wired up in a dawning ray

All wired up in a dawning ray

All that I am, all that I love is in you. Without you there is nothing I want. I live. But I live life a shadow of the person I am when you are beside me.

Great and Ruinous Lovers

"Lancelot and Guinevere.
Tristan and Isolde.
Siegfried and Brunnhilde.
Romeo and Juliet.
Cathy and Heathcliffe.
Vita and Violet.
Oscar and Bosie.
Burton and Taylor.
Abelard and Heloise.
Paolo and Francesca.

There are many more. This is a list you can write yourself. Some are greater than others. Some more ruinous. Some tales have been told many times, others privately and by letter. Love's script has no end of beginnings. The characters and the scenerary change.

There are three possible endings: Revenge. Tragedy. Forgiveness."

Jeanette Winterson - The PowerBook

In each day we are presented a choice. I choose forgiveness. I will not lose my life to tragedy, nor will I sell my soul to revenge.

We are so often obsessed with where a relationship is going that we forget to enjoy the present. The gift of now. The ache reminds us that we do care. And we do. You can never own another. You can only share.

I need some chicken soup and a cuddle

I got hit with some icky flu. I feel like death.

This is where long distance relationships are quite unhelpful. Here I am moaning and groaning on my blog when all I really want is some chicken soup and a cuddle.

Lost and Running

At the airport again. On this occasion to wave goodbye to my boy again. It has to be good that it hurts. It has to mean something that when he leaves I feel sad, empty and the weight of loss. We flirted with our meetings this week. He was not here to visit me, but I was lucky enough to share some time and space with him and for that I am blessed.


I got home and downloaded Powderfinger's new single 'lost and running' to my ipod. You can listen to the song and watch the video at their myspace page here.



Lost And Running

Oh I was sick and tired of waiting lost
And you were mad at me for so much more
I was bored listening to the same old chords
You would complain that I was never around

And we shouldn't hope
No we shouldn't hope
If love is so easy then why am I stuck
If life is so smooth why can't I get enough

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

Oh every day moves like a hurricane
It's dragging me around no matter what I say
Night time in the city streets I'm out of luck
The cobblestones are dark and wet there's no one I trust

And it comes around
Yeah it comes around
Missed it so easy say where have you gone
I'm looking for somewhere I can lay down my arms

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
Somewhere I lay down my arms
Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

I'm taking my time I let it float away
Telling my lies and you got nothing to say
The further we slip into this rabbit hole
the harder we look for a new place to go

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
Somewhere I lay down my arms
Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

(I'm still lost and running)
Well the harder we look
(I'm still lost and running)
For a new place to go
(I'm still lost and running)
Yeah the harder we look
(I'm still lost and running)
For a new place to go

(I'm still lost and running)
You can't lay there in my arms
(I'm still lost and running)
You can't lay there in my arms I'm still lost and running

I have a birthday coming up ... very soon!! What I want ... tickets to the Powderfinger Show 30th May, Four Seasons Hotel, Grand Ballroom ... on sale 11th May!!! Here's Hoping! (And I shouldn't Hope)

Space

While in Melbourne with my good friends the topic of my long distance relationship came up often. My friends had met my beautiful boy and couldn't understand how I could stand to be without him. By far the best quote in response to my comment "but I like my space" was "Is the Pacific Ocean enough space for you?". Thanks Simon.

Ok, so I jumped .... now where is my parachute???

So the last post wasn't really in 'english' .... I know. It is some kind of emotional gibberish that fell out of my behind prior to boarding yet another flight, did I tell you I love UNITED airlines! I really can't promise that this post will be any easier to follow. I just got back into Sydney early this morning.



I am in love. There I said it. I can't believe it. Sheryl Crow wrote a song about me - all of them. If there is a hard way to do something you know I am going to find it. I am talking major long-distance-relationship! I have made my jump ... now where the hell is my parachute???

The kind of loving feeling that comes with the well-worn waves of jet lag. Yes I am in love with a man who lives on the other side of the ocean and who has fast-tracked my frequent flyer status and made even a walk down a 'red carpet' seem routine.

We said 'bye' again last night ... hence my blah post. It isn't getting any easier. To leave, to wave, to be brave, to be alone, to hold it all together. The truth may be that we have more chance apart, living the ache, knowing the weight of the love we share, than we may if we were living under the same roof of domestic blah! Domestos really does nothing for the libido!