I loved you first ...

My sweetest downfall...



I am not writing much lately. I have been working hard on my next project. Mostly though, I have been a woman without her lover, a mother without her child, and a girl lost somewhere in a new beginning. I am always the strong one, so forgive me a moment while I fall down.

My sweetest downfall ... so beautiful, so true, and as always ... "Samson goes back to bed, with not much hair upon his head, ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed." Can men really jettison the heart so easily??? I often feel like I am trying to throw mine up, but cut it off? No.

Crashing Down

Raven, the tears are sitting right behind your eyes. Why don't you let it go.

Just cry.

I know that it is there, I just can't cry. I don't know what it will take. To finally be in my own space, close the door and breathe long and deep.

What a year. I said goodbye to my husband, my friend. I headed over to the USA and began ... something. It was aborted by circumstances out of my control. Home again. The only thing that made sense. A genuine prodigal return, tail between my legs.

Here now, among friends, the family that love, defend, protect and hold you close while you recover.

My heart can't take too many more beatings. I have quit for a while. All in, all out just isn't working for me.

There is far more grey in this world than we ever care to admit.

Complicated ... well that is normal for me. Oh, there, I can feel the tears ... crashing down.

Come On The World Is Waiting For You

When did we grow up? When did we have to start living on our own. When did we become the parents? When did we become the parents of our parents? We always thought that there would be a point when we would know what we are doing. One day that everything would just fall into place.

Today I was somewhere between the fear and adrenalin, knowing that I'm on the edge of the cliff and I will have to jump. As always I was distracted by people I care about facing fears of their own. In crisis we can be surrounded by all who love us and still feel alone.

I did take my jump, and what do you know, I landed on my feet. I would never have known if I hadn't made the attempt. Come on the World is waiting for you.

I am listening to this song from Redruth, "spend another day". I love the line

"...When you live face down in a world inside your head"

Loneliness and my other friends

My boyfriend lives in San Francisco, my flat mate works till 9pm+ each day, my best girlfriend lives in Melbourne and best male friend lives in Darwin. Others near and dear to me in Canberra, Perth, Brisbane and Adelaide … my family in far west NSW, even my sister on the other side of the bridge gets to be far away in Sydney terms.

We move on. Decided to move.