I loved you first ...

My sweetest downfall...



I am not writing much lately. I have been working hard on my next project. Mostly though, I have been a woman without her lover, a mother without her child, and a girl lost somewhere in a new beginning. I am always the strong one, so forgive me a moment while I fall down.

My sweetest downfall ... so beautiful, so true, and as always ... "Samson goes back to bed, with not much hair upon his head, ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed." Can men really jettison the heart so easily??? I often feel like I am trying to throw mine up, but cut it off? No.

Crashing Down

Raven, the tears are sitting right behind your eyes. Why don't you let it go.

Just cry.

I know that it is there, I just can't cry. I don't know what it will take. To finally be in my own space, close the door and breathe long and deep.

What a year. I said goodbye to my husband, my friend. I headed over to the USA and began ... something. It was aborted by circumstances out of my control. Home again. The only thing that made sense. A genuine prodigal return, tail between my legs.

Here now, among friends, the family that love, defend, protect and hold you close while you recover.

My heart can't take too many more beatings. I have quit for a while. All in, all out just isn't working for me.

There is far more grey in this world than we ever care to admit.

Complicated ... well that is normal for me. Oh, there, I can feel the tears ... crashing down.

Great and Ruinous Lovers

"Lancelot and Guinevere.
Tristan and Isolde.
Siegfried and Brunnhilde.
Romeo and Juliet.
Cathy and Heathcliffe.
Vita and Violet.
Oscar and Bosie.
Burton and Taylor.
Abelard and Heloise.
Paolo and Francesca.

There are many more. This is a list you can write yourself. Some are greater than others. Some more ruinous. Some tales have been told many times, others privately and by letter. Love's script has no end of beginnings. The characters and the scenerary change.

There are three possible endings: Revenge. Tragedy. Forgiveness."

Jeanette Winterson - The PowerBook

In each day we are presented a choice. I choose forgiveness. I will not lose my life to tragedy, nor will I sell my soul to revenge.

We are so often obsessed with where a relationship is going that we forget to enjoy the present. The gift of now. The ache reminds us that we do care. And we do. You can never own another. You can only share.