Are you from the olden days?

Children have a habit of putting you in your place whether you know it or not.

It is school holidays and I am enjoying spending time with my daughter. We were talking about dvds and videos and she commented about how dvds take up less space. I made the mistake of saying that videos were new and wonderful when I was her age. "Mummy, are you from the olden days?" Someone kill me now PLEase!!!

Enjoy your children.

School Holiday Heaven

It is school holidays and I am spending time with my daughter at my parent's farm. My grandmother was most amused by my daughter stating "GG, I am here to make you happy before you go to heaven!". In that moment, I nearly went to heaven ... I could have died from laughter.

Here Puss Puss

I am babysitting my 3 year old nephew for a few days in a house where a cat normally lives. Day two, I notice the cat is missing. I look at the 3 year old and say "What happened to the cat?" "She rund away", came the response ... I actually thought "My God, what has he done to the cat!

A quick phone call to my sister and after much hysterical laughter (they automatically assumed that I had concluded my nephew had 'damaged' the cat) all was well ... the cat was boarding!!!

The cat lives. Damn!

"hi mum, I'm in the middle of playing soccer, can I call you back another day!"

Have been having a hard few days. I have been missing my daughter very much and her recent tears and performance has only added to the ache. It is funny how kids manipulate. They know us better than we could ever know them. My daughter went from floods of tears and "mum, I want to live with you" one day and "hi mum, I'm in the middle of playing soccer, can I call you back another day!" the next. Keeping up with the whirlwind of emotions is intense.

Much of the pain comes from not having answers for her questions and as much as I need to get on with my own life and that does include separation from her, I still can't think of one good reason to be away from her.

Mummy loves you baby!! xoxo

Children Cut Through The Crap

Whenever I feel like I may just "have it going on" even if only for a moment, my daughter (age 6) brings me right back down to earth with a thud. When I am around her I never have the right answer to the very real questions and the heartfelt desires.

"I want to live with you Mummy."

Me: Yes, darling, but you love living with your other family too. You are so lucky you have two families.

"I only want one family mummy. I want a happy ending. I want to see you everyday."

Me: dumbstruck again.

There is nothing I can say that means anything. I can stick my finger in the dam but sooner or later another leak will spring. I don't have the answers for my daughter, I still wish someone could give some answers to me. I do know that happy endings are by design and not destiny, that my happiness is by choice as is my misery and some things that happen in life don't have an explanation and just really suck!

Mummy and daddy can live in the same house forever and after happily unhappy ... no thank you. The weight of the fairytales is heavy. I think of all the stories I have read to my daughter and the myths that have been spun through them and I feel more than a little guilty. Children cut through the crap. They know how things really are. For some reason we keep trying to change their minds by feeding them the fairytale fantasy world, perhaps because it makes us feel better that they aren't worried about the weight of the adult concerns.

After all the fretting and worry about my daughter's wellbeing and state of mind throughout my marriage breakdown, comes the truth ...

"so if you and daddy break up, will I still be able to go to the snow in the holidays?"