Moving House ... Rah!!

I'm still alive ... just moving house.

Debt Relief for the people YOU love.

If you love someone ... please don't expect them to increase their debt in order to give you a gift. It is wrong. Let those you love know that a card or practical hands on help will mean more than spending $$$.

Cut up those damn credit cards and get your life back.

Have you ever typed 'jesus' into Google?

I did and ... I am scared.

JesusDressUp

Can't you fundamentalists get some SEO advice?

Depressed? Someone Needs You.

Get up off your ass... go and help someone else.

If you want a solution to the blues the answer is in contribution... yours.

You have many skills, you know it... stop it, you know you do.

Would it hurt you to spend a few short hours serving meals at a homeless shelter, a woman's refuge, a children's hospital?

There are so many ways you can be involved, be appreciated, and get over yourself and your blues ... by contributing just a little of yourself. It will mean so much to someone else.

Z. recommends to check out Good Company


No matter what you do, just get up, get out, go do something for someone else.

Expectations and Outcomes

OK ... so I have had a rough week. I apologise for my bout of melancholy. The pity party is over. Sometimes you just have to open the blinds and let the sun in.

The kick in the behind that got me out of this present phase of blues was this post from Zern, our beliefs and expectations of others - the last paragraph was the stand out for me.

It is true. How we choose to frame our world and the expectations we place on others will effect the quality of life we live. I have a positive expectation of the friends around me and the new people I meet. I honestly believe that we can have positive, authentic meetings, sharing, being, etc. And I do. But when it comes to the people closest to me, those I love, my family ... in truth, my expectation is that they will screw me over or let me down ... that is a mindset that needs changing starting now. Thanks Zern.

He who is without sin gets to hold the sign!!

This photograph was taken by Cherie Priest and can be found here.

These guys have been around forever, but I don't think they have had enough RECOGNITION to date. I really love the part about adultresses ... where are their lovers? One would think that it does take two.

I have nothing to say but, hey guys read the words of your Christ. Put down your stones people. Matthew 7:1,2 (New International Version)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Do I have to do it alone?

Am I OK? No, I guess I'm not OK.

Am I angry? Yes, I guess I am ... angry.

Not such a pretty place for a woman to be.

A woman gives her all. She gives you those eyes that tell you that she believes in you, trusts, loves and will keep putting that shoulder to the grind to make it all happen.

A woman will give all 'till the well is dry. At some point she needs something back. Some energy, some love, some hope, some encouragement.

Do I have to do it alone?

As Dead As Yesterday

My daughter makes me laugh, cry and feel as dead as yesterday.

"It'll leave you with nothin' to say
Lost without a way
Ain't it funny child
Love sometimes leaves you
As dead as yesterday
Hoping to hold a handful of sunshine
Like a child told it cannot play
Never ever figured Lord love would leave me feeling
As dead as yesterday

Lord could you help me find some shelter?
Lord could you help me find some shelter?

It'll leave you feeling hollow & helpless
And there is where you'll stay
Ain't it funny child love sometimes leaves you
As dead as yesterday"

Zakk Wylde

Great and Ruinous Lovers

"Lancelot and Guinevere.
Tristan and Isolde.
Siegfried and Brunnhilde.
Romeo and Juliet.
Cathy and Heathcliffe.
Vita and Violet.
Oscar and Bosie.
Burton and Taylor.
Abelard and Heloise.
Paolo and Francesca.

There are many more. This is a list you can write yourself. Some are greater than others. Some more ruinous. Some tales have been told many times, others privately and by letter. Love's script has no end of beginnings. The characters and the scenerary change.

There are three possible endings: Revenge. Tragedy. Forgiveness."

Jeanette Winterson - The PowerBook

In each day we are presented a choice. I choose forgiveness. I will not lose my life to tragedy, nor will I sell my soul to revenge.

We are so often obsessed with where a relationship is going that we forget to enjoy the present. The gift of now. The ache reminds us that we do care. And we do. You can never own another. You can only share.

Another year older

Yes, another birthday. A good time to revisit the blank book philosophy.

I had a great dinner with my brother and sister. A meeting of siblings always involves many jokes and the special secret language born from the comraderie of knowing that at least someone else knows how nuts it was to grow up with our parents.

Happy Mother's Day

I can't even begin to explain how I feel today.

I miss my beautiful daughter. We spoke for about 30 seconds today.

Every night she was with me I sang to her. One of her favorites was Wendy Matthews, The Day You Went Away... I'm singing it for you tonight sweetheart.


Hey, does it ever make you wonder
what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies,
'cause you're leaving me behind
Why, after this long is there nothing
I'll keep, oh, I can shout
you'll pretend you're falling asleep
I live a lie, yeah, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time
'cause you're leaving me behind

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
it's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away

He's on the buses, and the aeroplanes
with some groceries and a sleeping bag ...

I need some chicken soup and a cuddle

I got hit with some icky flu. I feel like death.

This is where long distance relationships are quite unhelpful. Here I am moaning and groaning on my blog when all I really want is some chicken soup and a cuddle.

The Wayside Chapel 'get it'!!

Please take the time to listen to this interview with The Wayside Chapel's Pastor Graham Long with Mark Trevorrow on the ABC last week on the conversation hour.

I met Graham when I was 18. He is the only minister I have met that I thought was fair, balanced and real. His work with the people on the streets is and example for all of us because he does not consider these people clients, but friends. He does not try to fix people but meet them. In the end the greatest ailment we all have is loneliness. It isn't exclusive to economic range, family background, gender, etc. In a lonely world Graham Long and his team at the Wayside Chapel meet 300 people a day. They ask for practical help. Visit their website to join their newsletter and find out how you can help ... right now they need socks and jocks!!!

Which brings me to the other side of the Pacific where my love lives. God I miss him.


Tom Stone has a showing at Studio 333 (333A Caledonia Street | Sausalito) through June and July. We should not be oblivious of the homeless, we should see them or as Graham Long says, meet them.

Tom photographs the people on the fringe. Check out his work here.

Christmelicious - Oh Dear!

What can I say ... I feel for the kids. I, a preacher's kid have been stuck up on stage and pranced about singing many silly songs in the name of church outreach and or church entertainment. But what gets me is that the kids are singing it and doing it ... but someone came up with the idea that it would be OK to rip of the song, again demonstrating to the world that the christians do not have an original thought in their brain.

Here Puss Puss

I am babysitting my 3 year old nephew for a few days in a house where a cat normally lives. Day two, I notice the cat is missing. I look at the 3 year old and say "What happened to the cat?" "She rund away", came the response ... I actually thought "My God, what has he done to the cat!

A quick phone call to my sister and after much hysterical laughter (they automatically assumed that I had concluded my nephew had 'damaged' the cat) all was well ... the cat was boarding!!!

The cat lives. Damn!

"hi mum, I'm in the middle of playing soccer, can I call you back another day!"

Have been having a hard few days. I have been missing my daughter very much and her recent tears and performance has only added to the ache. It is funny how kids manipulate. They know us better than we could ever know them. My daughter went from floods of tears and "mum, I want to live with you" one day and "hi mum, I'm in the middle of playing soccer, can I call you back another day!" the next. Keeping up with the whirlwind of emotions is intense.

Much of the pain comes from not having answers for her questions and as much as I need to get on with my own life and that does include separation from her, I still can't think of one good reason to be away from her.

Mummy loves you baby!! xoxo

Lost and Running

At the airport again. On this occasion to wave goodbye to my boy again. It has to be good that it hurts. It has to mean something that when he leaves I feel sad, empty and the weight of loss. We flirted with our meetings this week. He was not here to visit me, but I was lucky enough to share some time and space with him and for that I am blessed.


I got home and downloaded Powderfinger's new single 'lost and running' to my ipod. You can listen to the song and watch the video at their myspace page here.



Lost And Running

Oh I was sick and tired of waiting lost
And you were mad at me for so much more
I was bored listening to the same old chords
You would complain that I was never around

And we shouldn't hope
No we shouldn't hope
If love is so easy then why am I stuck
If life is so smooth why can't I get enough

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

Oh every day moves like a hurricane
It's dragging me around no matter what I say
Night time in the city streets I'm out of luck
The cobblestones are dark and wet there's no one I trust

And it comes around
Yeah it comes around
Missed it so easy say where have you gone
I'm looking for somewhere I can lay down my arms

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
Somewhere I lay down my arms
Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

I'm taking my time I let it float away
Telling my lies and you got nothing to say
The further we slip into this rabbit hole
the harder we look for a new place to go

Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough
No I'm still lost and running
Somewhere I lay down my arms
Oh I'm still lost and running
I can't get enough

(I'm still lost and running)
Well the harder we look
(I'm still lost and running)
For a new place to go
(I'm still lost and running)
Yeah the harder we look
(I'm still lost and running)
For a new place to go

(I'm still lost and running)
You can't lay there in my arms
(I'm still lost and running)
You can't lay there in my arms I'm still lost and running

I have a birthday coming up ... very soon!! What I want ... tickets to the Powderfinger Show 30th May, Four Seasons Hotel, Grand Ballroom ... on sale 11th May!!! Here's Hoping! (And I shouldn't Hope)

Ode To Meaning - Robert Pinsky

I discovered Robert Pinsky when I was 21. I bought a copy of "History of my Heart". While I am sure the history of my heart would differ from his ... the recognition of pain is something that is universal.

The Robert Pinksy poem Ode To Meaning. Leaves me without anything much to say, just awe.


Ode To Meaning.

Dire one and desired one,
Savior, sentencer--

In an old allegory you would carry
A chained alphabet of tokens:

Ankh Badge Cross.
Dragon,
Engraved figure guarding a hallowed intaglio,
Jasper kinema of legendary Mind,
Naked omphalos pierced
By quills of rhyme or sense, torah-like: unborn
Vein of will, xenophile
Yearning out of Zero.

Untrusting I court you. Wavering
I seek your face, I read
That Crusoe's knife
Reeked of you, that to defile you
The soldier makes the rabbi spit on the torah.
"I'll drown my book" says Shakespeare.

Drowned walker, revenant.
After my mother fell on her head, she became
More than ever your sworn enemy. She spoke
Sometimes like a poet or critic of forty years later.
Or she spoke of the world as Thersites spoke of the heroes,
"I think they have swallowed one another. I
Would laugh at that miracle."

You also in the laughter, warrior angel:
Your helmet the zodiac, rocket-plumed
Your spear the beggar's finger pointing to the mouth
Your heel planted on the serpent Formulation
Your face a vapor, the wreath of cigarette smoke crowning
Bogart as he winces through it.

You not in the words, not even
Between the words, but a torsion,
A cleavage, a stirring.

You stirring even in the arctic ice,
Even at the dark ocean floor, even
In the cellular flesh of a stone.
Gas. Gossamer. My poker friends
Question your presence
In a poem by me, passing the magazine
One to another.

Not the stone and not the words, you
Like a veil over Arthur's headstone,
The passage from Proverbs he chose
While he was too ill to teach
And still well enough to read, I was
Beside the master craftsman
Delighting him day after day, ever
At play in his presence--you

A soothing veil of distraction playing over
Dying Arthur playing in the hospital,
Thumbing the Bible, fuzzy from medication,
Ever courting your presence,
And you the prognosis,
You in the cough.

Gesturer, when is your spur, your cloud?
You in the airport rituals of greeting and parting.
Indicter, who is your claimant?
Bell at the gate. Spiderweb iron bridge.
Cloak, video, aroma, rue, what is your
Elected silence, where was your seed?

What is Imagination
But your lost child born to give birth to you?

Dire one. Desired one.
Savior, sentencer--

Absence,
Or presence ever at play:
Let those scorn you who never
Starved in your dearth. If I
Dare to disparage
Your harp of shadows I taste
Wormwood and motor oil, I pour
Ashes on my head. You are the wound. You
Be the medicine.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer

Sun Tzu ... the great military strategist is credited with the authorship of the title.

I do not seek to implement it often, as I have few enemies.

I do however cast doubt over the intentions of the enemies of my closest friends when hostility melts into pleasantry. My senses are raised, my anxiety increased because, I sense imminent cruelty.

I have great love and loyalty for my friends. Be well. Be safe.

Marriage is a Lie!!

I don’t believe in domestic life. I know that it works for some people, but it does not work for me. You are attracted to a person, you fall in love, you make love, you enjoy sharing your lives … then you live together or get married and live together and then all the attraction and passion turns into a daily struggle of going to work, paying bills, saving and trying to amass material wealth. Relationship becomes a routine argument over whose turn it is to clean the toilet or the boredom of the daily “what do you want to do for dinner” phone call.

Many people are unhappy in their relationship not because of what the other person does or does not do, but because they have not achieved their own personal goals that were put on hold or aborted due to the responsibility of relationship. Which does seem odd given that you both individually paid your own way prior to the relationship.

We cannot put our life on layby. We have been given today. The choice is to live or to be a slave to circumstance. Do you think you might enjoy each other more if you had some space to achieve your own dreams, clean up your own mess, socialise with your other friends and enjoy the companionship of your lover who you have both made time to specifically be with and appreciate.

I am not saying don't get married, I am saying you will appreciate and respect each other more if you do not live together.

When all your worlds collide

You know what I mean ... When you are busy getting on with your new job, relationship, in a new state, country whatever and you walk straight into someone who reminds you that you used to have a really bad perm back in the 80's, except that bad perm was actually a bad relationship, a career as an exotic dancer or the fact that you were the high school goodie two shoes jesus crispy. What is the appropriate course of action? Do you ignore the person? If they say something to you do you go into denial ... "I think you have me confused with someone else?"

I was given some good advice for when your past catches up with you ... "always be prepared to answer any question with Yes, but it's not what I'm doing now. I am ..."

The fact is that the world is getting smaller and the degrees of separation are closing in. It's not all about personal heartache and trivial misdemeanors ... we are also much closer to global tragedy Farmer Ted has a great perspective on this. Have a read.