I don’t believe in domestic life. I know that it works for some people, but it does not work for me. You are attracted to a person, you fall in love, you make love, you enjoy sharing your lives … then you live together or get married and live together and then all the attraction and passion turns into a daily struggle of going to work, paying bills, saving and trying to amass material wealth. Relationship becomes a routine argument over whose turn it is to clean the toilet or the boredom of the daily “what do you want to do for dinner” phone call.
Many people are unhappy in their relationship not because of what the other person does or does not do, but because they have not achieved their own personal goals that were put on hold or aborted due to the responsibility of relationship. Which does seem odd given that you both individually paid your own way prior to the relationship.
We cannot put our life on layby. We have been given today. The choice is to live or to be a slave to circumstance. Do you think you might enjoy each other more if you had some space to achieve your own dreams, clean up your own mess, socialise with your other friends and enjoy the companionship of your lover who you have both made time to specifically be with and appreciate.
I am not saying don't get married, I am saying you will appreciate and respect each other more if you do not live together.
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4 comments:
Wow, this really is a dismal outlook!
Granted, daily life can certainly impose stresses on any relationship (be it with family members, spouses, friends, workmates etc) but daily life or the inability for people to meet their own individual goals is not the real reason why marriages (or relationships in general) fail. These are symptoms of a much deeper problem.
I think if people view marriage (or relationships with their partners in general) as a full-time management job then they’ve got the perspective all wrong in the first place. A partner should COMPLIMENT you NOT COMPLETE you. There’s a huge difference.
Compatibility also plays a large part. And I don’t just mean that in a very simplistic way (as in, “yeah we share the same interests and have fun when we go out”).
I personally have been with and lived with quite a number of different women over my time and yeah, some are definitely more compatible (on many different levels) than others. Some are brilliant at the beginning stages but when we moved in together, game over. Some were brilliant at the beginning stages AND while living together. These ladies intuitively understood that the dynamics of the relationship change when the conditions change.
I’m not much of an idealist but I know marriage ain't a lie.
jellybean, I am not sure that we are arguing different points at all.
I do believe that what my generation perceives as marriage is a lie and is nothing more than a partnership in the pursuit of material wealth.
compliment and complete... I know the difference.
but let's get down to the guts of it all ... sex. many men expect that sex will continue in the marriage without taking regard to the woman's desire for romance and consideration to her satisfaction. many women think they can play ignorant to the physical needs of their man and make many excuses for months on end that potentially put their relationship at risk of falling to temptation because she is withholding what should not reasonably withheld. Those circumstances can both be reversed within the sexes.
jellybean.... with a name like yours, I am sure that you are a man among men. If you have something more so say perhaps you should get your own blog. Or be a little less anonymous and you will get a lot more respect!
raven, raven, raven.
Ya. Sex is damn important. Very important ;) But it isn’t the “guts of it all”. (Even I know that.) :p
Perhaps we are from different generations, who knows? In fact, I don’t think it really matters.
If you’ve got Queen’s Greatest Hits close by I want you to insert it into your CD player and play the song “You’re My Best Friend”. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
You hear those words? Now that’s what marriage is all about. See, it isn’t a lie. I’m prepared to go through as many ladies as it takes to realise the sentiments behind this song. Even though I’ve been with and continue to see a lot of great girls, marriage material still hasn’t come along just yet. And you’ve probably gathered by now that Jellybean is an optimist so he knows he’ll meet her one day.
That, raven, is as soppy as I’m ever gonna get.
P.S. By the way, I would have thought you’d be honoured to have such an insightful, politically correct, often witty, intelligent, charming young man like myself commenting on your blog…
jellybean,
we will have to agree to disagree until you have been married. the best friend is important, but after a twelve month drought, sex or the lack of it can become the deal breaker.
yes, I am jaded. I have said that marriage hasn't worked for me. It hasn't worked for many of my friends.
I am enjoying my relationship just the way that it is.
P.S. I do not and would never own a Queen CD, though I could be tempted to download "who wants to live forever".
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