why no one likes Aussies anymore

As my friend Dave pointed out ... it is very sad but true. The blog post by Ben Groundwater, [here]rang just a little too true. I have complained. I have missed my vegemite and tim tams. I have fretted when getting what comes simple back home is a big ordeal. But I have also rolled my eyes upon any discussion with a taxi driver that involved crocodile hunter Steve Irwin. Not everyone in Australia loves to hang out with reptiles and kangaroos. I have cringed when 'outback steakhouse' was the choice for dinner ... not sure I know anyone who eats bloomin onions at home, but seeing they were rather delicious perhaps we should.

On the other foot, I have travelled to the Maldives expecting an out of the ordinary experience only to discover an australian chef and a wine list full of tragic export labels ... kanga's leap and bushman's gully, etc. Just a tip, if it has a kangaroo anything on it ... tip it down the sink.

All it gets down to is expectations. There is an illusion that America and the UK are just like Australia ... as my boy says often, "it may as well be China". Lose the expectation and opt in to the adventure ... you may just have fun and you are less likely to complain and annoy the crap out of everyone else.

The Lost Soul and a case for a Nursing Home

I am a child of a preacher. I am a child of a man whose thoughts were seldom censored. I am now an adult fearing the coming birthday. Kingdom come, thy will be done ... etc. When did I stop paying attention. Two weeks ago ... "you always seem to disappoint us in the usual areas.". Thanks Dad. I enjoy the confidence. Two words ... nursing home. If you are reading this Dad, yes, that comment hurt!

How is the building fund coming along?

Church buildings ... a sanctuary for spiritual communion or a fortress to keep the icky people out?

Children Cut Through The Crap

Whenever I feel like I may just "have it going on" even if only for a moment, my daughter (age 6) brings me right back down to earth with a thud. When I am around her I never have the right answer to the very real questions and the heartfelt desires.

"I want to live with you Mummy."

Me: Yes, darling, but you love living with your other family too. You are so lucky you have two families.

"I only want one family mummy. I want a happy ending. I want to see you everyday."

Me: dumbstruck again.

There is nothing I can say that means anything. I can stick my finger in the dam but sooner or later another leak will spring. I don't have the answers for my daughter, I still wish someone could give some answers to me. I do know that happy endings are by design and not destiny, that my happiness is by choice as is my misery and some things that happen in life don't have an explanation and just really suck!

Mummy and daddy can live in the same house forever and after happily unhappy ... no thank you. The weight of the fairytales is heavy. I think of all the stories I have read to my daughter and the myths that have been spun through them and I feel more than a little guilty. Children cut through the crap. They know how things really are. For some reason we keep trying to change their minds by feeding them the fairytale fantasy world, perhaps because it makes us feel better that they aren't worried about the weight of the adult concerns.

After all the fretting and worry about my daughter's wellbeing and state of mind throughout my marriage breakdown, comes the truth ...

"so if you and daddy break up, will I still be able to go to the snow in the holidays?"

More damning diagrams

Thanks to Z and Stilgherrian for pointing out this fantastic blog... Indexed.

My fav. Seven Deadly Sins

Seven Deadly Sins

My friends and I were trying to name all of the seven deadly sins ... funny we did well for a few: lust, gluttony, envy, sloth ....??? Ok now I am stuck. Why is that? Perhaps I am not Catholic ... Oh yeah, I'm not. So I did a quiz to see what was going to damn me to hell. (like this site isn't enough!)

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Having seen the results, there were no surprises there. I am a mess to live with. It is common for my partner to walk in and express: "someone broke into our house and trashed it.", lust ... well, I'm sure you get it. Pride ... now this surprised me, but maybe I'm just too proud to see it. It's a bit of fun.

You can get more info on the seven deadly sins here

Ok, so I jumped .... now where is my parachute???

So the last post wasn't really in 'english' .... I know. It is some kind of emotional gibberish that fell out of my behind prior to boarding yet another flight, did I tell you I love UNITED airlines! I really can't promise that this post will be any easier to follow. I just got back into Sydney early this morning.



I am in love. There I said it. I can't believe it. Sheryl Crow wrote a song about me - all of them. If there is a hard way to do something you know I am going to find it. I am talking major long-distance-relationship! I have made my jump ... now where the hell is my parachute???

The kind of loving feeling that comes with the well-worn waves of jet lag. Yes I am in love with a man who lives on the other side of the ocean and who has fast-tracked my frequent flyer status and made even a walk down a 'red carpet' seem routine.

We said 'bye' again last night ... hence my blah post. It isn't getting any easier. To leave, to wave, to be brave, to be alone, to hold it all together. The truth may be that we have more chance apart, living the ache, knowing the weight of the love we share, than we may if we were living under the same roof of domestic blah! Domestos really does nothing for the libido!

Why is the measure of love ... loss?

"Articulacy of fingers, the language of the deaf and dumb, signing on the body body longing. Who taught you to write in blood on my back? Who taught you to use your hands as branding irons? You have scored your name into my shoulders, referenced me with your mark. The pads of your fingers have become printing blocks, you tap a message on to my skin, tap meaning into my body. Your Morse code interferes with my heart beat. I had a steady heart before I met you, I relied upon it, it had seen active service and grown strong. Now you alter its pace with your own rhythm, you play upon me, drumming me taut." Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

My heart is so full and I feel I can barely breathe. I miss you already my beautiful boy.

It is hard to write when every word, a knife, cuts through me. I am open to the journey, I have faith in the cause and hope that it all works out. What will be will be.

Why is it the absence that uncovers the weight of love?

conservapedia

This really is so crispy. conservapedia

Sent to me by my good friend, who will remain anonymous in the interest of sanity and association aversion. He is a brilliant scavenger of all things 'jesus crispy'.

This site really doesn't need any further pontification. More info here.

I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw

The song, containing this lyric keeps coming up in my life lately - the most common version courtesy of Keith Urban. It seems to be a good reminder of the bullshit we tell our 'others' in the height of romance. Like all the other offerings we spill in the guise of infatuation.

I am jaded so don't bother writing. I have had enough proposals, promises and till death do us part. How about some honesty. How about you, me, the bills, the kids, the psycho ex's the whole damn circus of what life is these days.

Why can't we be honest ... it really is hell on earth trying to navigate around the maze that is relationships. I wish that it was romantic. I hope to god fantasy still lives in some part of our minds, souls and hearts .... that we dare to believe that there will be another, that we can be loved, that we are loved.

I gave up waiting for my cowboy a lifetime ago. I hope he hasn't given up on me.

I'm gonna be here for you baby
And I'll be a man of my own word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

(Chorus:)
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I wanna honor your mother
And I wanna learn from your paw
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
And I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been

Chorus

We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

And I'm gonna make you this promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
Yes I am

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust makin' memories of us
Ohhh
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you baby
And I'll win your trust makin memories of us

More on life as a blank book

I have loved Anais Nin since I first discovered her diaries. I was 21 sitting on the floor of the Stanton Library in North Sydney astounded by a woman who was so honest. Her thoughts could have been my thoughts many decades apart. A beautifully brave, honest woman. I was flicking through my notes today and came across this quotation from Anais, it seems to fit and may well be the inspiration for my philosophy of the blank book, enjoy ...

"What makes people despair ... is that they try to find a universal meaning to the whole of life and then end up by saying it is absurd, illogical, empty of meaning. There is not one big, cosmic meaning for all, there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person. To seek a total unity is wrong. To give as much meaning to one's life as possible seems right to me. For example, I am not committed to any of the political movements which I find full of fanaticism and injustice, but in the face of each human being, I act democratically and humanly. I give each human being his due. I disregard class and possessions. It is the value of their spirit, of their human qualities I pay my respect to, and to their needs as far as I am able to fulfill them ..." Anais Nin

James Brown Day

Today is a James Brown day.

For me that means that I wake up and decide that I don't want to have yet another crap day. I put on the godfather of soul, James Brown "get up offa that thing ... dance and you'll feel better". It's very hard to be sad. It's very hard to do anything other than dance. James Brown's music is infectious. Try it, turn your day around.